TAKING OUR FAMILY BACK FROM THE STRONG HOLD OF THE DEVIL

Before I discuss ‘raising today’s children,’ I discuss ‘living with yesterday’s parents.’ On several occasions my sisters-in-Christ came to me crying about the problems they were having with their teenage children. Their complaints continued after counseling them couple of times. The Lord asked me to send for their daughters and hear from them. I asked the sisters to bring their children for an individually healthy conversation.

I remember one time one of the girls (combined stories to avoid identifying individual in particular) told me how much she hated her parents. When I asked why, she seemed hurt by the constant bickering, cursing, fussing, argument, quarrelling, fighting, animosity, temper tantrums, anger, bitterness, meanness, and hypocrisy among her parents.  She wondered whether they cared about how the children feel. They all reported that their parents always shout and yell at “them” (the children) and they are always talking about God.

I learnt during the chat that there was nothing they ever did that was good enough for their parents and they complained about everything the children did. There parents were always nagging each other and everyone in the household. “It is like a house of commotion,” they complained. “Sometimes I want to be adopted out and that is why I ran away, I am sure my mother told you. My mother has never told me that she loves me and my father, don’t even go there. I have never heard them tell each other I love you,” One concluded.

She continued, “When I go to school, they laugh at me, talk about my hair, how different I am, when the teacher ask me question, they start talking about me and if I answer, they start mocking me or laughing at me.” When I asked if their parents knew about this, they told me that their parents asked them to ignore them and won’t do anything and if I say something back to my mates, they want to fight me and I get in trouble anyway. If it were other children, their parents would have been in school everyday fighting (advocating) for them and those kids are always ready to fight. If I ignore them, they call me a wimp. I got tired and I started fighting back. That is what others are doing.”  Advocating added by me for clarification.

There are children who actually raise themselves or are being raised by babysitters and nannies. One child was out of control because her parents were busy and always at work. They pay all the bills and buy her whatever she wanted. She said they shower her with gifts, praises, accolades but it was only on the go, by phone, text messages, and emails. She wondered “How can my parents be sending me  kisses and praises for being great student when they have never looked at my home work, never been to my school game, parents teachers meeting, don’t even know what my teachers look like. They talk to my teachers on the phone only. No matter what I did wrong in school, they will not show up. My friends, their parents are always at school, in every game, meetings, even if I get in trouble to see if they will come, they will send uncle. I cannot even talk to them when I need to, before I open my mouth, they will ask me how much, I am busy; talk to this person or that person. That is why I waste the money and destroy everything.” They continued, “I know that they hate me. They hate the day I was born. They cannot stand me that is why they don’t want to stay home, so that they don’t have to see me. It is all work, work, work. They don’t love me, they don’t care. I hate them more than they hate me.” The child wondered which kind of parents who truly loves his/her child gives the child everything he/she wants. “My friends don’t get everything they want because their parents know that not everything their children want is good for them. My parents don’t love me and they thought they could buy my good behavior or now win me over with money. It is too late. It is messed up.”

The litanies of issues are different for each troubled child. Sometimes in doing the things we do as adult, we seem to forget that children notice everything and understand things differently. We assume they will understand but they don’t. They bear the brunt of it all. The children very often become the collateral damage as we pursue our conquest in life, which King Solomon called vanity. When the children reach their tolerance level, when the negative emotions become unbearable, they explode and the family may be destroyed. The things you think is the best for a child may be their worst nightmare. The children mostly need to be loved and cared for more than anything you can ever do for them. They often repeat what they see their parents do and their behavior is shaped by their experiences, mostly by what they learn from peers. Parents have very little influences mostly because they spend very little time with their children to be of any influence at all. Why will they listen to you when they barely know who you are? I mean if you are one of those absentee parents. They see you come and go, few words here and there, and one thing done now and then. You are just the persons who pay the bills. They have rarely or insignificant emotional attachment with you, especially now some women barely breast feed their children. Baby food does it all. It is always someone’s fault or problems.

If you say you are a practicing Christian, born again and saved, the scriptures provide us some guidance. If only we can control our mouth and what we say or do, we will have a better life.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:19-27)

We know from the Lord that it is not what goes into a man that kills him but what comes out of him. “Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” (Matthew 15:10-11, Mark 7:14-16) The book of Psalm reminds us to avoid anger, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil, (Psalm 37:8). Apart from the fact that quit a good number of people are educated and gained life experiences, as Christians, we have deep knowledge and understanding of the words of God. Therefore, as wise men and women enjoying the wisdom of God we should restrain ourselves. “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (Proverb 17:27-28)

We know that a lot of marriages even though celebrated by a minister and blessed by God were not originally put together by God. I mean to say like the example God gave us in Genesis 2:18. In the example of the first marriage, the original intent came from God, there was plan and none of that came from man or woman. These days, mankinds get together and make their plan and bring God in later. In Genesis 2:22-25, God Himself put Adam to sleep and created Eve with rib from Adam. There was a metamorphosis that took place after Eve’s creation and Adam was happy when Eve was brought to him by God Himself. God was there all through the process and celebrated the union Himself, in His majestic high place. These days we bring the ministers at the ceremonial end. We barely pay attention to the temperament of the person we marry, even with the warning signs, we still ignore it and follow our heart instead of God who said “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” (Proverb 22:24-25, 14:17, 29:22)

Under the new covenant, we have example from Mary and Joseph. We know that God is involved with them in the beginning. God saw their purity, recognized there engagement, and sent angel Gabriel after her “In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” (Luke 1:26-28) We know that God Himself approved their marriage before it took place when He said:

“But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said: “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins… When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (Matthew 1:20-21 and verse 24-25)

I bring this to say that the problems destroying marriages as an institution and family as the center of our society starts from the choices parents made before they bring children into this world. It is like what they call fruit of a poisoned tree in law. Such fruits are useless. Really, can one say that something as beautiful as a child is useless? Some parents tell me that all the time. Some children feel that way too due to the way they are treated by their parents, siblings, family, friends or the way they treat their parents and others. Some grow up being useless in many ways. Of course with repentance and forgiveness, we can renew our life and have a new beginning; enjoying all the benefit given in a God chosen marriage.

To do that, we have to renew our spirit by doing away with old self, pouring a new wine in a new wine skin and not in the old wine skin (Mark 2:21-22, Matthew 9:16-17). Our life cannot be filled with argument. The Lord said:

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:23-26)

     Parents should support one another by heeding these words, if they have to avert the temptations presented by such arguments among them. For instance anger, provocation and so on. Some parent do not only jealous each other, they envy one another. If only they truly believe that even though they are two but by the metamorphosis of divine consecration of their marriage that they have been joined to become one, and no longer two, there will be no such thing as jealous or envy of each other. Can a person jealous himself or herself? Can anyone envy himself or herself? Jealous or envy happens only when there is another party. The Lord said: “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come. In fact, no one can enter a strong man’s house without first tying him up. Then he can plunder the strong man’s house. (Mark 3:25-27, Matthew 12:25)

     We can understand why bad and wicked people seem to prosper in this world. Satan does not attack them; they are his own house. He knows that your body is the house of God, and contains God’s temple (your soul), Satan knows that God is stronger than him and if God lives in you, you are strong too and specially loved and favored by God, the Father Almighty. So, he first ties you up with arguments, anger, provocations and things that destabilize the state of your spiritual nature; then tempt you out of the presence of God; creating conflict within your spirits (husband and wife) and that of God; then attack you to see if you will fail; out of grace of God.

     We should not give a Satan a foothold to tempt us because we already know that God does not tempt anyone, (James 1:13-15, Ephesians 4:26-27). Please be patient and more tolerant with each other. The Lord said, “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” (Proverbs 14:29-30) “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9)

     If one can create a diary or calendar which tracks his or her activities over three months period, at the end of the three months period, you can calculate how much time you spend each day, week and month with each other. Track what kind of activities you do with your spouse. Track the time you disagreed, argued, quarreled, fought or engaged in thoughts, words or actions that upset either of your spirit, others or God. You will have your quarterly productivity report; like a worker in a farm or factory. What kind of report will you present to your employer—your creator?

     We all work in God's vineyard. If you minus the time for work, errands, sleep, and every other time that was not spent with your spouse or spent with him or her in an unhappy moment, you will have the actual balance time as the happy moment you spent with your spouse each day, week or month. You will be surprised to see how little or insignificant the time you spent with each other cuddling, snuggling, and doing the things that stimulate and energize your love are. Out of such moment of happiness, how much of that can you say you have joy?

     Remember that there is a big difference between happiness and joy. Many things can make you happy but joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” (Galatians 5:22)

     The fruit of the Spirit is a gift from God. Your review of such calendar, diary or report card will tell you how healthy your relationship with your spouse and God are. It will also give a report card on what you are feeding your children; the precious gift from God and the crown jewel of your life. It will show you how your relationship with your spouse, children, and family members are; especially those with extended family life. If you don’t have the characteristics and qualities listed above, your fruit is rotten, diseased, unripe or non-existence.  Before such tree is cut down, the ground should be fed and nourished so that the tree can bear fruit or else, the owner will cut it down.

     All the above listed qualities and characteristics have to be present in your life to attain Christian maturity. If you do not have all, ask God for the ones you are missing and he will give it to you (Matthew 7:11). You have to be patient with yourselves (husband and wife as one person before God) because just like a tree does not bear fruit over night, you cannot bear the fruit described above instantly, unless you have the kind of faith of the Centurion, (Matthew 8:10, Luke 7:9). It takes time, commitment, hard work, and faith without unbelief to receive the fruits.

     The path is narrow but the reward is great. Only those who received the grace to bear and retain the ripe fruits of the Spirit will understand fully what the experience feels like. Don’t you want to know what it feels like? I do know with every certainty because I had it, lost it and I got it back. I will never let it go because I experienced the differences between having it and not having it, appreciate and love everyone of them and enjoy every moment of it. I suffered to get it back. I will rather nourish the tree so that the fruit will remain fresh forever. I will rather die than let it out of my site again. Life without is very painful, tumultuous, and full of tribulations.

     The fruit bears the seeds of the spirit which produces the gifts of the Holy Ghost. As Paul said, “If we have sown spiritual seed among you, is it too much if we reap a material harvest from you?” (1 Corinthians 9:11) You can also read verses 10 & 12 and 1 Corinthians chapter 12 to understand the context. With the presence of the Holy Ghost in you, you have potential to reach the crescendo of spirituality and the highest level of spiritual enlightenment. You can command the will of God who is your Father. You can enjoy the company of Jesus Christ who can visit you and sit by your side and have conversation with you as you do with your loved one; your wife or husband. I say this because I had experienced it several times and I know how humbling and memorable it was. Who can pass or deny himself or herself such honor, blessings, gifts, grace, peace, and harmony with God?

     The fruits of the Spirit are the manifestation of your Christianity. “By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:16-20)

     As children of light, who bears the image and likeness of God, we should act towards others the way God acts towards us “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all He has made.” (Psalms 145:8-9) Because we are compassionate, rich in love, good to all our children and others, we cannot let the sun go down before we repent and forgive others. No matter what is troubling your heart, regardless of what someone has done to you, be patient and let the power of God work in you or those who tempt or harm you.

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:25-32)

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.  But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. (Colossians 3:5-10)

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.  On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19-21)

     A brother-in-Christ was troubled so much about the family problems he is having with his family. He kept complaining and lamenting about his prayers and service to the Lord which seem ineffective in his family life. Without getting into the specific issues of his complaints, it was obvious that he is a separate entity from his wife. A sister had also told me “This is not back then at home. We are in America. I am not going to give up my personality or individuality because I am married. I rather stay single. I make my own money, I can remarry, I can take care of myself and my children.” Someone had also told me that she can take care of herself and will take everything he has and he will still have to take care of his children. Another person had also told me that marriage is a business. She had married thrice. The first husband’s support pays for the house, the second one’s pays for the car notes and other bills, and the current one pays for her to remain ageless and beautiful in case she need to remarry again. These are all marriages with children involved in the drama that unfolds in them.

     Going back to this family’s issues, they have two separate bank accounts which are individually and separately controlled without the spouse knowing anything about their respective accounts. Expenses are made without each other knowing about it. There is no financial planning or rules on how money will be spent. They are married but they were running two separate homes in one. You will think that certain specified or budgeted amount is set aside for each spouse to spend at will. I mean each spouse spends his/her whole income which ever way he/she wants. Money is the root of all evil but without it you cannot enjoy life or get anything done. “A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything.” (Ecclesiastes 10:19) What is money to you and what value do you place on it?

     From idiomatic expression or perspective of the above parable (quote) or even if you take it literally, how can husband and wife who are indifferent;

1.      About financial planning, how they spend their resources

2.      To being careful about what bill should be paid first and at what time or cycle they should be paid

3.      In setting priorities about which expense is appropriate and which one should be deferred

4.      In making decision about what the family needs and separating it from what they want

5.      To making time or too busy to talk about anything

6.      To being respectful and cooperative or too bossy to listen attentively to the other spouse, and

7.       To practicing active listening and complete communication and avoid arguments, conflicts, and altercation?

How can they possibly be happy, not to talk of bearing the fruits of the spirit? What is the difference between listening or hearing what someone is saying and Active Listening & Complete Communication? What role does it play in marriage? I will discuss this in the future.

     Finance is a major stressor to the family life. Some people see their spouse as being foolish when it comes to money management. As mental health/behavioral health program designer who has designed several treatment and rehabilitation programs accredited, approved and paid for by the U. S. government, I know too well that within the secular world, the role of significant other in our family life is important and urgent—in what Dr. Seven Covey, PhD classified as “Habit 3” Put “First Thing First in Principle of Personal Management.” I know too well that the principle has precedent in the scriptures before his secular hypothesis. What I don’t know is how many Christians put “first thing first” in their decision making process about that “first thing” that is “first” in their life.

     We know today that those who introduced individualism in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s have realized that it failed. It failed not because there is no social good in it but because it destroyed family, community, and society structure, degraded modern civilization, and the cost of maintaining it in our current society is not sustainable by the people.

If you want your family life back, it will not hurt to ask yourself, what is that “first thing” that is “first” in your life? “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27) God repeated again “This is the written account of Adam’s family line. When God created mankind, he made them in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And he named them “Mankind” when they were created. (Genesis 5:2) Our Lord Jesus Christ said, “ ‘Haven’t you read,” he replied, “’that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’” (Matthew 19:4-6, Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:6-12)

     In the beginning, it was just the spouses before the blessings which include the children came. That “first thing” is your spouse and he or she should be the “first.” This is a moment of reflection! What have you said or done to someone which has affected their marriage? Do you remember when, where, and how you met your spouse? What kind of relationship did you have before your marriage? Were you equally yoked? Where you of the same spirit and accord? Was there divine truth as I had discussed before according to the scriptures? What kind of sins, promises, utterances, curses, agreements and bondages did you commit yourself to?

I say this not to grieve your spirit but to provide a moment of retreat, meditation, remorse, repentance, and forgiveness so that your deliverance will be complete and have immediate manifestation of your faith and belief. It will bring divine healing which will renew your family life and enthrone all the blessings God had promised you from the beginning. If you did everything according to the word of God before your marriage, it provides you a moment of reminiscence of all the wonderful things God did, had been doing, and still do in your life. Through this you renew your hope, faith, belief, body, soul, spirits, and stimulate every ligament, muscles, heart, parts of your love, love of your children, love of your family and love of your neighbors.

Lets us pray! God and everlasting father, we knock at your door. Jehovah Jireh, who provides from mount Moriah, we seek your face. Even though You see the heart of all mankind, nothing is hidden before You and there is nothing in this world which will not come to your judgment, You still love us. We your children in one way and another have sinned against you and have deviated from the path you have set for us but you still provide for us. We will not remember all that we have done to you because our memory and knowledge is limited but you remember them all without your wrath upon us. Please Lord, we ask you to watch away our iniquities that we may be whiter than snow for blessed is he whose sins are forgiven and whose transgression are not held against him. El-Shaddai, Jehova Rapha, from Mount Zion you will bring us healing from all the injuries and hurts caused by those you had commanded to love us. Oh Jehova Nissi, you will today bring to us protection from them and from Satan who tempts us away from you. Jehova-Shalom, We ask for your peace and a new beginning in our lives, that we may be whole with you and carry your banner in Jesus name we have found you and in whose name whatever we ask is granted. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Holy Ghost!! Thank you Father Almighty!!! Amen.

     Women have become the major bread winner today. It is reasonable to understand why this brother was worried about his relationship with his wife. He saw his relationship with his wife deteriorating. His wife is drifting away from the values they both shared together at the beginning of their marriage. He complained that his family problem started since she finished her nursing education, licensed, and started working as a registered nurse; making a lot of overtime income. She treats her husband like a servant. Please allow me to digress a little to another related story.

A man got married to a beautiful lady. They claimed to love each other very much. He realized that both their income will not be sufficient to raise the kind of family he dreamed of and provide support to them the way he needed to. The couple agreed that he should get a second job driving a taxi to substitute for the income his wife is making. This will allow his wife to go back to school full time and study nursing. Everything was going well for this family until she finished her bachelors in nursing and started working. Few months later, she started treating her husband like a slave. She looks down on him, screams and yells at him, commands him around the things she wants him to do. They already have three children by this time. The children see these things.

There was constant argument and altercations between them as they continued to have conflicts over every issue. The wife claimed that he is lazy and wondering, “How can he call himself a man; the head of the household and he cannot pay all the bills and provide for his family.” The wife nicknamed him taxi driver and stopped calling him by the usual sweet names and endearing encouragement she use to give him before her new professional advancement. The man claimed that he worked two jobs including driving taxi to pay her school fees and now, she spends her income building a mansion in her father’s compound and refused to help with bills in their household. She expected him to continue to carry the burden by himself while she does whatever she wants with her own income.

These underlying factors led to the breakdown of the family. The woman ended up divorcing her husband and kicked him out; collecting child support from the man. The man had to work three jobs to maintain his obligations to his children. He realized that his plan to train his wife so that both can join together to raise their family is not possible, at least in his thinking then. He moved in with his college buddy with whom they studied medicine together. When they immigrated, he could not practice medicine without going to medical school here in the U. S. That is why he decided to train his wife in nursing which will be quicker so that she can hold the family together while he goes to preparatory school to prepare and take the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE).

Several years passed before he could prepare, take the exams and finish his residency. The moment his ex wife heard that he passed the exams and has got into residency, she started coming around any occasion in their community she suspect he would be attending, cursing and fussing with any lady she sees around him in public gathering. To cut the long story short, he ended up marrying someone else. Men also do the same thing to women and I will get to what women suffer in the hands of men in details later.

I tell these stories to highlight very few of the issues that start with simple quarrel but end up destroying our family value and life. If only we look back in all the above discussions, one can find that there is no need to treat each other as a fool or call others derogatory names. That can only cause tension and conflict between us. (Matthew 5:22) The love of husband and wife should be sufficient to carry them through any obstacle, if it is genuine. Let us not forget that divorce is not permissible and Moses gave the law of divorce due to the hardness of the heart of the wicked people then. (Matthew 19:8-9, Mark 10:10-12) As children of light, we are under a new covenant with Christ and should treat each other with respect. We should be able to manage our home before we think of managing the house hold of Christ. We are all called to evangelize and spread the gospel. The best way to do so is by our daily living examples; our behaviors and expressions.

“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) (1Timothy 3:1-5, Titus 1:7-9, Matthew 16:15-18). Even Ministers of God are not free from marital conflict and divorce.

We can see how one’s family is compared to God’s church. Paul did the same in Ephesians 5:25 :29-33) I cannot overemphasize the need to make sure that our spouse is not hot-tempered, (Proverb 15:18, 16:32, 19:19, and 21:19). Our life should exemplify Jesus Christ and should be blameless. Though we are charged to do everything we can to live in peace, we are also charged to correct one another and teach the message we have been anointed to carry to the ends of the world. As the scripture said;

“You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.  Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” (Titus 2:1-8, also read Leviticus 19:17-18, Colossians 3:21, and Psalm 4:4)

    A very hard working lady got married to a man. She was devoted to her husband and gave him everything she owned to manage including her private practice as a physician. The man became the family wealth bursar/spender (Oriaku in Ibo language). His inferiority complex and less of a man attitude caused frequent friction and quarrel between both spouses. This honorable and God fearing woman endured all the abuses to keep her family together. The man orchestrated billing practice that billed insurance companies for services that was not delivered and collected millions of dollars in payment without his wife knowing about it. Immediately he discovered that there was an investigation going on, he told his wife that he needed to go out of the country to inspect the project they were working on oversea.

By the time the investigators came to question the doctor (his wife), she honestly informed them that she did not deliver the services they were asking about. When they presented the payment voucher, she told them that it must be a mistake and asked that they wait for her husband who manages and oversees the billing system. Her husband kept making excuses and refused to return to answer questions regarding the allegation. It brought serious conflict between both spouses. After several months of waiting, the prosecutors charged the woman and she was sentenced to five years imprisonment. She lost her license to practice medicine. You can imagine what it took her to get to where she was and what her husband has done to her. Her children were taking by the Social Welfare Department.

The Lord reminds us that being WORLDLY bring ruin to our lives. “You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?” (1 Corinthians 3:3) It does not matter whether you are just church goers, what church you go to or your own interpretation of the scripture to whatever word or action you have said or taken. If only he truly loved her, he would not be quarrelsome towards his wife and he would not put her in jeopardy (of harm, life or limb). A very sweet woman, a very good wife, and a God fearing person who put her trust in her other half, could have committed suicide. Does she deserve such treatment from the man she whole heartedly loved?

Such people (man or woman) go to church, claim to be Christian, listen to the teachings at their church and probably pay their tithe from the stolen money or ill gotten wealth and their pastors accept them and refuse to speak out against such things. No one came to the rescue of these families even though there have been several counseling session to settle disagreement between them.

Their pastors could not see that coming? A church without vision is dead. We are all called to be workers in the vineyard of God. Therefore, “Keep reminding God’s people of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.  Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. (2 Timothy 2:14-16, Proverb 29:18, lamentations 2:9) The scriptures will buttress my message and the Holy Ghost will minister to you in Jesus name, amen.

     There is a man who worked two jobs until he saved large sums of monies. He was able to manage his credit score very well enough to be able to borrow large sum of money. He took all that money to go and show off at his birth home. The way he lavished money at the new home he constructed within six weeks made people of his birth town to believe the myth that every green leaf on American ground tree is a dollar bill—as some people believe. It was not difficult for him to convince a beautiful princess to marry him. He promised to return every three months to shower her with love and pleasantries to her family. Her eyes were her witness; so she believed him.

He returned to America and had to work three jobs to meet up with his obligation to pay back the high interest loan he maxed out of his credit card. That resulted to serious stress and high blood pressure for him trying to maintain his new found lifestyle. He became more and more aggressive and irritable, especially on issues relating to finance. He could not continue to live a lie and above his means; working in a retail store and home care making very little compared to the life style he showcased during his travel. He could not meet up with the promise he made to his exotic trophy wife. He petitioned the immigration department for his wife to be granted immigration status; having convinced his wife to leave her lucrative nursing job, as a director of nursing at a major hospital to come and assist him to conquer the American dream (which only favors those who play by the rules and not by fraud).

Since his wife was already a college educated and experienced nurse, it was easy for her to pass nursing licensing exam right after her immigration to the U. S. His wife realized that he had no business or need for help with anything except to help him maintain his false life. It is divine truth that husband and wife work together to build a family (Genesis 2:20-22). However, if either the man or woman is deceived or tricked into such marriage, then such union is null and void before God. It is a fruit of poison tree. Like in laws of most nations, every judgment obtained by fraud, mistake, misrepresentation or irregularities should be vacated or reconsidered for merit by the judge.

God as the supreme divine Justice does not bind in heaven any word, action or agreement obtained that is inconsistent with His truth and validation of informed truthful consent and grant of permissive will of the other (unless you discover the lie, fraud, deceit, misrepresentation or irregularity and say or do nothing about it and accepted it, then you have consented to it). In such case, you have no immediate recourse.

In the example I gave earlier about Adam and Eve, there was no deceit. When Joseph found out that Mary was pregnant which he knew nothing about, he planned to divorce her before the Holy Ghost intervened by sending the angel to let him know that it was not Mary’s fault but God’s plan (Matthew 1:18-21). When you lie, deceive, defraud, misrepresent, and create irregularities to mislead God that lives in you and His own people who witness your words or actions, you will be deceiving yourself and seriously mistaken to say that God is with you in your thoughts, words or actions. No one, not even evil itself, can tempt God just like God does not tempt no man. (James 1:13-15) No man can save you from that but your self repentance and grace of God. The Lord said,

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:8-11)

It is clear that mankind’s thoughts, words, and ways cannot bind God in any agreement—not even in marriage, unless such thoughts, words, and actions are consistent with His words. It is only when it is consistent with His word that it “Will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it,” the Lord said. It is those consistent words that water every ground you planted, every part of the earth you claimed as your own, and all your seed will bud and flourish with abundance and surpluses so that you extend some to the sowers and feed the hungry so that they will have enough to eat. Anything contrary to this will not produce the effects described above. It will lead to pain, suffering, and misery. It will impoverish your spiritual and physical world. As Christians, we don’t aspire for that.

With above behaviors from the man, regret, depression, and anger sets in upon the family and the devil now have the strong hold to work against them. Some people (men and women) and mostly women tend to believe the other party will change. You cannot change anyone who is not motivated enough to change him/herself. Only God can change a person whenever the person grants his or her permissive will to accept such change and only through Him can such changes be effected. Every other person is an instrument, tool, equipment or co-creator with God.

Before I deviate from the suffering wife, her husband brought her as a labor slave. He waited until she started working to become jobless. He sat home and became her commander of work. She works two jobs. She comes home to cook, clean, carry pregnancy, tend to the children’s needs; homework, wash clothes, judge her kids disputes, discipline them, and still be expected to satisfy her husband with yearly pregnancy. With all these, he complains and counts how many times his wife was tired and could not perform some sexual acts not commensurate with the faith she professes. When she refuses to act, obey or work, she gets beaten until she does.

Our poor sister-in-Christ is suffering. If only she knew before hand, she would not have been tricked into the bondage she now calls marriage. For the sake of peace, she endures the abuses and neglect. She hands over her pay checks to her husband who is the only one that signs the check or makes any expense. She begs for her own money to buy personal things and most often, her husband decides which, when, and what to buy for her. She lives miserably in pain while her husband spends her income and plays the king. He gave his right to work and infringes upon his wife’s God given rights, freedom, and liberty. The type Jesus has freed every man from when He said: “’The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.’” (Luke 4:18-19)  

Therefore, do not be fooled and do not blame God for problems one brought upon him/herself; for being insensitive to God’s messages, sensitized by the things of this world and our desires or you will be destroyed (Isaiah 45:9). We all have heard the Lord:

 “’But let no one bring a charge, let no one accuse another, for your people are like those who bring charges against a priest. You stumble day and night, and the prophets stumble with you. So I will destroy your mother— my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. ‘Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.” (Hosea 4:4-6)

Put the above quote within the context of what is going on in a broken family. How are the children complying or are being brought up according to the ways of the Lord? We lack knowledge when we fail or refuse to listen, follow the words of God and live by it. If only we can love God as He has loved us, we will be free from the strong holds of law and His commandments for he who loves Him obeys Him and will not violet the law and will be overshadowed by His grace when he or she is incapable.

By one’s repentance, forgiveness, and grace of God, you will become more than a conqueror. (Romans chapters 7 & 8) The scripture also tells us that: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:1-3)

If you are in such situation, you should ask God for help. Always remember that you are assured of receiving (Matthew 7:7-12) Ask God for repentance, ask for forgiveness, ask for deliverance, and then ask for His abundant blessings. You will certainly get your needs in Jesus name, amen.

     Healthcare is an ever growing industry. Many people go into different profession in healthcare due to its potential, demand, good pay, challenges, security, stability, and fulfillment. Nursing is one of those professions with the greatest demand as our population is aging. There is this nurse who divorced her husband and went to her original home and married her high school sweet heart. He immigrated into the U.S. to join his wife. They started life well and were like Romeo and Juliet for a very short time. She was so “crazy” (America’s way of saying madly in love) about every step he made. He never did wrong and he is angelic in her eyes. She lay down for him to walk over her, like she would on a red carpet. Is that not wonderful and what is expected of both spouses; if it is mutual and supported by the word of God?

In this case, she would not speak up against his ungodly behaviors. She was afraid of what people will say if she starts complaining again about this husband and not to talk of another dispute and divorce. Her first husband loved her but she handled him in ungodly way. Her cultural community and tradition is not welcoming of divorce and have a social caste over divorcees. Even with westernization, most of their cultural group still treat divorcees with contempt and disdain. She knew what she suffered after her first divorce which did not change after she remarried; thinking that her second marriage will change her social status. So, she endured.

The focus of her people is on the family. Her community feels the pain her children from the first marriage are suffering as a result of all the drama that continued to affect them, judging from different disputes and conflicts attempted by the people to settle. Both of them did not listen to Christ who said that, “‘Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.’” (Mark 10:11-12)

Strong family is the key to the future and that was what God directed us to do when he said, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.’” (Genesis 1:27-28) We are reminded in Genesis 5:2 that both Adam and Eve were the family and being fruitful is not only of bearing children (the fruit of the body) but also in our spirit; thoughts, words, and actions (Galatians 5:22-26). That is how we subdue and conquer the earth, be blessed with abundance that will fill the earth (Isaiah 54:16-17, 55:10-13, 63:7-19, and Isaiah chapter 66).

If only they listened, she should not have divorced her husband and her second husband should not have married her. By the way, how did her first husband meet her? Where they saved and born again? Where they practicing born again or was it a lip confession? What about you who may be married or planning to get married? What is the most important thing to you and what is your purpose of marriage? Does it conform and consistent with the word of God or did you follow your heart and emotions or plan to do so in your marriage? The Lord said:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.’ Therefore, ‘Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.’ And, ‘I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.’” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

She knew about the waywardness of her first husband which reminded her of her first “love” (worldly love). She ended up remarrying same kind of man. Like they say now ‘he is a thug’ and can do all kinds of moves. We have people who are convinced that the man beating them up is doing so because he loves them if not they would not care about what they do wrong. How can a man who claims to have Christ in him lift his finger against another? Christ allowed himself, even though God, to be insulted accused wrongly, and be killed to fulfill the will of God the Father.

Is your suffering because you want to fulfill the word of God regarding your marriage and was such marriage conceived and ordained by God? I do not mean celebration of a wedding by a pastor or priest, I mean God bringing two of you together as discussed before. Did you decide on your own accord and because of that God approved it (some believe that by them getting married, it is an indication that God approved it; if not they would not have married— something would have happened while they were dating)? Were there warning signs? Oh, you think you will change the person or you believed their lie that they have changed? We know that people suffer due to lack of knowledge. I have posted before on spirit of discernment and how it works, so no need to repeat.

I talked about this earlier so you already know God’s answer to that. Do not be fooled brethren! Be wise like the serpent because you live among them. Like the Lord said: “‘I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in the synagogues.’” (Matthew 10:16-17) Jesus Christ was not just instructing the Apostles and Christians who will be persecuted because of their belief and teachings; he was also telling us that if you follow his ways, you will also end up as he did. You will be persecuted and prosecuted. (John 15:16-19). If you do not follow God’s way, you will also suffer for it, if you find yourself on both sides of good and evil. It is better to suffer as Christ than to suffer as a hypocrite.

Our sister-in-Christ did not follow God’s rule and had to suffer for it. Frequent battering by her husbands, consequences of her adultery in the second marriage; the suffering of her children from her previous marriage, working too much overtime to stay away from her husband, having baby-sitters and strangers raise her children, emotional pains and suffering she was enduring, making money for her husband to spend, and many more continued unabated until one day her husband came home and she served him food as she always did. Her husband tasted the food and shouted her name. She shivered fearfully into the dinning room speechless. He called her to come close and taste the soup. She did as she was ordered, not understanding what was wrong with the soup, she asked what was wrong with it. Her husband took the bowl of hot soup that was just freshly cooked and poured it into her eyes and face, asking her what good is she if she can’t even cook a tasty soup and left the house.

Her children seeing what happened and seeing their mother in unimaginable pain called 911. She was rushed to the hospital. After she was stabilized with third degree burn which damaged her beautiful face, she told her best friend not to tell anyone what happened. When the police came to see her for questioning, she still tried to cover up for her husband. She did not know that the police had record of all the 911 calls by their neighbors each time there was brawl in the house and had interviewed the children. Her husband denied everything knowing that his wife will cover for him. By the time the bandages were removed and her friend saw how her beautiful face was disfigured with partial blindness, she wept and reported everything that has been going on to the police. Her husband was tried, convicted, and sent to jail.

She went into depression which was not helped by remembering the past as she struggled with it. The hauling and pulling of friends and family with different opinions and ideas of what she should do or not do. She found solace in the word of God which is where she should have started. Like the scripture said,

“Those people are zealous to win you over, but for no good. What they want is to alienate you from us, so that you may have zeal for them. It is fine to be zealous, provided the purpose is good, and to be so always, not just when I am with you. My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you, how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!” (Galatians 4:17-20)

 It did not matter which religion, which pastor, or person ministering to her but what mattered was for her to accept to go back to the Lord. She convinced herself. She remembered that after God destroyed the world with flood, He found favor with Noah (Genesis 6:8). He refilled the earth with his family being the new beginning of mankind (Genesis 6:9-22). She renewed her spiritual life and asked God for help. God answered and forgave her. She divorced her husband having recognized that the marriage was not consistent with the word of God.

Miraculously, the same time God was transforming her, He was also transforming her first husband. One day they ran into each other in a Christian conference. She was so happy to discover that he did not remarry. Initially not because of the word of God but he could not support another family while paying child support for their children. When he got saved, he realized that he could not remarry while his wife is still alive. God brought them together in that conference where they recognized that even though they started off in the world, God remolded them for each other and brought them together. They later remarried. They were happy ever after their second marriage. God blessed them more than they ever imagined or dreamed in the past. They raised their family in fear of God and dedicated them to the service of the Lord.

     To be married to someone with whom you are not equally yoked is disastrous. It is like laying the foundation of a skyscraper on a shallow sandy beach. When the wind storm arrives, the building collapses. If one gets into marriage where deceit is the foundation, it will suffer the same fate as the skyscraper on a shallow sandy beach. It will collapse with collateral damages.

Let me tell you a story. One day someone told me story of how he worked for over ten years and saved about $30, 000.00. While he was saving his money, he was praying for a good wife, marriage, and family. He solicited the help of his friends and family. He could not find anyone where he lived. He found someone at his native home. He used his whole savings to go home to bring this wonderfully recommended lady whom he has been talking to and seen to be worthy and compatible.

He said that he did not know that all the time they were talking and making plans for marriage, she was busy making plan with her high school sweetheart who lives in another State in the U. S. Her high school sweet heart had not regularized his status and could not leave the country. The lady saw this as an opportunity to join her sweetheart. So she played her worldly card very well by finding out what the man likes and expects and played by those rules and character. She acted her way into making the man fall into her spell. He was crazy about her. He made every effort to visit couple of times to see for himself. He prayed to God for help. He spent every money he had to perform the marriage ceremony and petition the immigration for his wife. The moment his petition for his wife was approved, he flew down to his original country to bring her to the United States.

On arrival to the U. S., it was the morning he was supposed to resume his job, after his annual leave. So, he settled his wife home and pleaded with his wife that he need to show his face at work and will be back before she finished unpacking and dashed out to work. The moment he left, his wife quickly wrote a note for him thanking him for his generosity and good kind heartedness. That she is sorry she has to leave to join her sweetheart in another State. She only agreed to marry him because her sweetheart could not travel and she could not wait any longer to be with him. She prayed for God to forgive her and reward him for all the expenditure and trouble she has caused him. When her husband came home from work happily looking forward to spending good evening with his wife, he was astonished to see the note, and then he thought it was a prank, searched all the rooms, before it hit him that it could be real. Her luggage was no where to be found. Her sweetheart was waiting for her in a hotel. The moment her husband left for work, she alerted her sweetheart who came with taxi and took her straight to the airport back to his house.

Without discussing the fraudulent and deceitful marriage again, I only bring this up to say that sometimes, we think we have done everything right in our own mind or belief but we are actually following our own thoughts, words, and actions. He started looking for his wife by depending on himself, friends, and families all through. Without getting into the specific details that demonstrated that even though he prayed, he has already decided who he wants and his prayers were just for God to allow it. God who answers prayers answered his prayer by granting him his will. It does not mean that it is God’s will. God always keep his promise to honor mankind’s will. He gave it to mankind as part of Him; his image and likeness. He does not cross that boundary without invitation from you. Jesus Christ always respected that too. He always asked, “What will you like me to do for you?” Our covenant keeping God honors and respects most of our permissive will and personal sovereignty; except that which is His intervenes out of love and mercy for our salvation.

There is nothing wrong in personal choice, distant or arranged marriage but the problem is the process. It does not matter the source of your referral or how you meet the person (with understanding that you operate within the environment of your faith and I do not mean isolating or judging others). You still have the obligation, duty, and responsibility to discern and seek the will of God first before you make any promise or commit to it. Once God is in first, then, you can jump right in. when God is in front, you can then follow Him. A very good example is found in the bible. The story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 provides good example. You can go home to marry (let us remember that Isaac and Rebekah was for religious reason and not due to race and that even though orthodox Jews marry within their race, the book of Ruth informed us that those that practice Judaism are welcome; those who share or willing, able, and ready to share your faith):

“Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, ‘Put your hand under my thigh.  I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living,  but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.’” (Genesis 24:1-4)

“Abraham said.  ‘The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there.’ So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.” (Id at verse 6-9)

“Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor.  He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water. Then he prayed, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.  See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.  May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.’ Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor.  The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.” (Id at verse 10-16)

You should read the whole chapter to have full understanding of the context. The excerpt show foreign residence, marrying from home, justification, hope, faith, and action/deeds before a choice is made. The practical insight into choosing a wife shows conformity and consistency with the words of God, no predating, no premarital intercourse of any kind, had no idea of who the wife will be. He completely relied on God. He only asked for how to recognize whom God has chosen. The chief servant was very specific regarding the sign he needed to see; to know who God had chosen.

If the Lord had asked you to leave your country and go to another nation, He will bless you if you heed the call, read Genesis from chapter 12 to the end. God will be with you in every step of the journey; if you stay with the Lord. You will see another example of how to make the right choice similar to Isaac and Rebekah in Jacob’s choices in Genesis 27:46-chapter 29. I have to point out that Jacob has always acted like some people in today’s world who like to get what they want by deceit or bypassing the rule, but because he was specially favored and blessed, God ignored his conducts and never took away His blessings. When God blesses you, he never takes it back. Isaac told Jacob to take a wife (Genesis 28:2), but because he was in love with Rachel and did not want to marry Leah by rule, he has to work double to marry both, going against God’s rule too, “He created them man and woman.” You could be like Jacob. Although blessed, he had a rough life and had no peace of mind.

Those that married in a foreign land should also be in line with Moses example in Exodus 2:16-22. There are also other examples, for instance, David was not after any woman, he dedicated his life to service of the Lord, the people of Israel (men and women) loved him. However, King Saul was terrified of him and tried to set him up but God continued to bless him, he then tried to lure him with his older daughter, Merab. David betrayed by King Saul continued to serve God in humility. King Saul finally tricked him into marrying his daughter Michal, with hope of getting David killed in the hands of the Philistines, instead, because God was with David, He continued to bless him with defeating every force that came up against him. (1 Samuel 18) David did not consult with God on this marriage and though he did not find himself worthy, gave the devil a foothold to tempt him into agreeing to the deal of killing philistines in exchange for royal son-in-law. He wanted to please King Saul and the rest of the chapters were history.

People find themselves in different types of situations as described in the above three examples. Loosing focus on God has its consequences. If you focus on God, no weapon fashioned against your plan will prevail (Isaiah 54:17). Your marriage will prevail over any obstacle or challenges you will encounter. The challenges will always be there because the evil ones and spirits will try to overthrow you from obeying God’s command to become one with your spouse, multiply, and fill the earth with abundant blessings from God. Use and follow God’s words against such odds and you will come out on top in Jesus name, amen.

     I remember one day when I chartered a taxi to take me around to run some errands in a city I was not familiar with. The driver asked me if I was married and when I said no, he started advising me to be careful with that because women are this or that. I told him that I do not believe any of his theory because it seemed biased, chauvinistic, unsubstantiated, and untrue. He said he was speaking from personal experience. He shared too much detail about his marriage amidst tears which made me to believe him. This driver explained how he had used all the money he had saved and married a woman from out of the country thinking that he would have peace and not go through the divorce which has become the easy way out of marriage in our modern society.

According to this driver, he searched for a virgin (like the Family of David did when they were looking for the maiden to take care of him at his old age. The Maiden’s name was Abishag, a Shunammite (1 king 1:1-4). Some men think like that even though they are not virgin themselves. It will be great if everyone dedicates their body and keep it holy as the dwelling sanctuary of God. If you have lost your virginity and asked God for forgiveness and sin no more, you are cleansed and as new as ever. You may not physically be a virgin but spiritual, God has forgotten that you are no longer a virgin. He sees you as a virgin. It does not include those who believe that confessing their sexual or any sin with intention to commit the same sin wipes away their sin. Those people do not understand what confession means. Anyway, before I digress, let me go back to the taxi driver’s story.

He got himself a virgin; believed that she has not been corrupted by the world. They groomed and grew together. He was older and more experienced in life, so his wife looked up to him like a fatherly figure and had a lot of respect for him. He loved his wife and revered her from what he said. He reported that their problem started after having kids and their children were growing, she started school and started mingling more with others, learning more worldly stuff. She became more aware of her rights, privileges and opportunities available to her. She realized that unlike her cultural group, she is the head of the household and not the man; at least, that was how she interpreted the family structure.

He said, she threw their culture and bible instructions away and took this idea he could not understand where she got it from which drove him out of their home (similar things happen to women too). He continued to explain that if he was abusing or neglecting her it would have been different but he was crazy about her, which is why after ten years of divorce he is still bitter and cried each time he talked or thought about it, he reported. He seemed not to understand how the arguments, quarrelling, fussing, fighting and drama started. He said things I do not wish to detail here.

I just consoled him and suggested that he should get counseling and since from his explanation, he dropped out of church, angry at God, not open to ministration, to look for counseling centers near him on phone book. By then I had not started my own organizations. It was clear to me that when the problem started, the signs were there but there was breakdown in communication. Both spouse resorted to poor counsels from bad and negative influences which destroyed them both. There was pride because the man felt he is the man and head of the household and whatever he said must happen.

The woman felt, oh no, this is America, the women are in charge, let us see who the system will believe and be sympathetic to, it is my household. She was right. He lost everything. They both were overtaken by pride and ego. They stopped talking to each other and after sometimes, they started talking to their common enemies. Advices poured in unsolicited and that was the end of the marriage before they knew it. If only the spirit of God truly resides in them, they would have recognized that they were both under temptation, reclined into their cocoon in prayers and sought counsel from the Lord.

If it was so heated up to see through the issues or too emotional, they would have gone to their (Holy Ghost filled) pastor or elders (with wisdom and sense of justice). I say “Holy Ghost filled” pastor or elder with “wisdom and sense of justice” because some of the servants of the Lord had changed and now serve the world. There is little immediate incentive for people to serve in truth and spirit anymore; as working for eternal reward is interpreted by many from the context of worldly and materialistic lifestyle. Many people now seek for their own selfish interest. 

Please stay away from those that will tell you what you want to hear or think first of whom they are benefiting from; how much tithe or offering or gift they get from each and take side with the best benefactor. They have the information because every cent you give is recorded for tax exempt purposes (emphasis is mine). If you cannot find such support close to you or not a believer, seek professional counseling, at least the laws and regulations has controlling and compelling demand for professional and no special interest services to the public. If the professional takes side, you can report them to the authority and they will be prosecuted. You won’t get that with pastoral or elders counseling.

My dear, a stitch in time saves dime, English proverb said. As Christians, the Lord said: “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (Proverb 13:10) We know that Satan was thrown out due to his pride and arrogance. If we can learn from that and be humble and love one another in humility, we will be more amenable to resolving whatever problem we might have with each other and we must surely triumph in every situation. The Lord through prophet Isaiah tells us that:

“For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?’ ‘Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.” (Isaiah 58:2-4)

Quite a large number of Christians had asked why their prayers are not yet answered or consoled that God answers whenever He likes; which could mean never. I use to ask the same question and I use to believe the same thing. Not anymore! God answers every prayer that satisfies the six rights I had discussed earlier. I do not have to repeat it here but the above quote is one of the reasons why people who believe do not get what they asked for. The man’s prayers for a good wife and God fearing family ended up as a dysfunctional family leaving their children broken into peaces like a glass that has fallen out a strong hand to a marble floor on the ground.

When one decides to marry, he/she should not look for the wrong things. Most often they leave what is important and urgent and go after what is unimportant and things that matter later. Both should reconcile their objective and goals after both long and short term goals set by God who brought them together. Such reconciliation should be in conformity and consistency with the will of God and His words or else, you will end up like the above taxi driver. Like the Lord said:

“Have you been thinking all along that we have been defending ourselves to you? We have been speaking in the sight of God as those in Christ; and everything we do, dear friends, is for your strengthening. For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.” (2 Corinthians 12:19-20)

If Christ should arrive today to visit you, how will he find your home, your family, your children, and your life? If death should knock at your door right now, where will your spirit go to? Are you afraid of death because you are not prepared or are your ready right now? If you are not it should worry you because no one knows when that hour will be, it might be late then.

If you are having serious marital problems, it might be better to be in a corner of the roof than share a house with quarrelsome wife; Proverb 21:9, 25:24 (or husband because it seems like men have become more quarrelsome than women, it goes both ways, Proverb 19:13, 21:19, 26:21, 27:15).

The Lord said: “But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.  Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.  You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.” (Titus 3:9-11) The warnings are things you do before you commit yourself and not after you are already married. It will be too late then. Those advisers you call your friends or family are nothing but mockers who make fun of your marriage and devil uses them to destroy a wonderful institution he established for you to fulfill His creative purposes unless you are part of such people and their evil design. If not, you should get rid of them and your family problem will end. (Proverb 22:10) The Lord said:

“If anyone teaches otherwise and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. (1 Timothy 3:3, 6:3-10)

If we know all these behaviors and signs that lead to disputes, quarrels, arguments, conflict, how come we are drawn into it? It is because mankind thinks of evil always and is drawn to their evil desires. It grieves God and caused Him to regret creating mankind (Genesis 6:5-6). However, He showed us mercy by renewing the earth through Noah and sending Jesus Christ that we may communicate with Him. God said:

“Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: ‘The Lord knows those who are his,’ and, ‘Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.’ In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” (2 Timothy 19-26)

In your family, you will see that all of you are different in your ways. Some are close to God more than others. You might find those who do not care about God that much or at all. You might even have unbelievers or pagans (the way they talk or act) among your household members. The choice is individualistic about what article or tool you want to become. You can become that instrument for special purpose. Though this quote may be referring to servants of the Lord but are we not all called to that service? A priest, pastor, evangelist and so on are brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, fathers or mothers to someone. So are those with the gifts of administration, vision, prophesy and all the gifts of the Holy Ghost supporting the body of Christ. It starts from your home.

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’ Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.” (Philippians 2:12-16)

This is my message of reflection for you today and I pray that the Holy Ghost will minister unto you and renew your spirit, your life, and your family in Jesus name, amen. God bless you all!

     A young man proposed to his best friend for marriage after over a year of dating and courtship. They had cultivated strong relationship with each other. Both live in a different state from their family home. His betrothed wife was excited and flew home to inform her parents about her decision. Her parents were disturbed that she agreed to marry him knowing the kind of man he was and issues they have had in the past. Her father had counseled her in the past to end the relationship because the man doesn’t seem to be saved and might make her life miserable. Her daughter ignored his father’s counsel. So, her family refused to participate. The man also traveled home to inform his family. His parents out rightly rejected her as unworthy to be their daughter-in-law because of her class. His family refused to participate. It started a big rift within both families and their siblings aligned with either side. Both parents ignorantly told their children that it will never be well with them for disobeying them. Unknowingly, they had cursed their children and their words were taken to God by the angels. It was not well with the children.

The disapproval of both families became the uniting force for both children. They supported each other through this difficult journey, each person dismissing their parents, and rebelling against anything that comes from them. They were both professional and can support each other financially. So, they ignored their family and went ahead with the marriage, after all, their parents made their own choice and have been married for 37 years, had their own children, grand children, and have no business interfering in their life. They were adult in their mid twenty’s. Time had changed. This is not a time when children consult or seek approval from their parents before marriage, not even when their culture demands that. It is their individual life to live.

When the complaint came to me, I counseled them to look at example of the early marriages in the bible; which we discussed earlier, for example, Adam & Eve, Noah & his wife, and Abraham & Sarah, God was there standing in as their father because God dealt with them on a personal level. When it came to Isaac & Rebekah and Jacob & Leah/Rachel, their parents were involved. I counseled that they should reflect and meditate on the life of Jesus Christ. God the Father; the first among equal persons of God were there with Jesus’ human parents (Joseph & Mary). Joseph & Mary had the support of their parents and God in heaven gave the instruction to Joseph through an angel before Joseph married Mary. Joseph and Mary were there, approved, and supported Jesus Christ’s marriage to the Church (from Jesus’ presentation in the temple to being found in the temple, and his entire ministry). The Lord made several emphases on the groom and the bridegroom in comparing his relationship with God, us, and the church. (Luke 2:21-52, John 3:29, Mark 2:19, Matthew 9:15, Luke 5:34, Matthew 25:1-13, Revelation 19:7, 21:2, 9-10, 3:12, 22:17, Ephesians 5:22-33, 2 Corinthians 11:2-4, Romans 7:4-6, verse 1-3 for context) As Christians, we are all parts of that body; one family and was in agreement with that marriage the moment we confessed and accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and personal savior. (John 3:16)

We know that in today’s world, preaching that is anchored on the gospel truth seem old fashion to a lot of Christians and that is hard to resonate with our generation and those behind us. However, the word of God; the truth, does not change. The above spouse followed their heart, feelings, emotions, and their truth. The marriage after few years disintegrated and the family fail apart like the ones described earlier. Their children are scattered now and even the husband cannot say that all the children are his own because when he wanted to see the kids, his wife informed him that he has to be sure that the children are his; before he start making demands of parental visitation.

I mix up these true stories to convey a message with hope that someone will learn from others mistake and heed the word of God. (Psalm 106:43, 1 Corinthians 10:11, Proverbs 1:24-27) Before I get to marriage success stories, I wish to point out the bad news first before the good ones so that those who are on the wrong track can prepare themselves. The Lord said:

“‘When a young woman still living in her father’s household makes a vow to the Lord or obligates herself by a pledge and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her, then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the Lord will release her because her father has forbidden her. If she marries after she makes a vow or after her lips utter a rash promise by which she obligates herself and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her, then her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her husband forbids her when he hears about it, he nullifies the vow that obligates her or the rash promise by which she obligates herself, and the Lord will release her. Any vow or obligation taken by a widow or divorced woman will be binding on her.”

^‘‘‘If a woman living with her husband makes a vow or obligates herself by a pledge under oath  and her husband hears about it but says nothing to her and does not forbid her, then all her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her husband nullifies them when he hears about them, then none of the vows or pledges that came from her lips will stand. Her husband has nullified them, and the Lord will release her. Her husband may confirm or nullify any vow she makes or any sworn pledge to deny herself. But if her husband says nothing to her about it from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or the pledges binding on her. He confirms them by saying nothing to her when he hears about them. If, however, he nullifies them some time after he hears about them, then he must bear the consequences of her wrongdoing. These are the regulations the Lord gave Moses concerning relationships between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still living at home. ’” (Number 30:3-16)

We know that through the freedom that comes with Christ, the woman is not unequal to man just like the God Son is not unequal to God the father or God the Father unequal to the Holy Ghost. When we ignore the wisdom that comes from the above truths; our stubborn pride and disobedience, we experience disorder that brings us close to the truth which we always rebel against. The Lord said: “‘I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.’” (Leviticus 26:19)

If you read the entire chapter, you will see how scary the Lord’s punishment is. If we don’t have Christ today, what do you think it will be like? Included in the causes of such punishment is disobedience to our parents. Do we because we have Christ disobey our parents? If you continue to disobey your parents or commit other sin, will Jesus Christ save you? Of course not! Jesus Christ saves those who are holy or for reasons out of their control sinned; those who genuinely could not control themselves and not those who intentionally and deliberately sinned. For example, if someone makes you very angry and out of that anger, you thought, said, or disobeyed the commandment of God. After you calmed down and realized that you have sinned, then go back and ask for forgiveness, made restitution to best of your ability, and ask God for forgiveness, if God sees your heart as being sincere, He will forgive you. There is no limit to God’s forgiveness. But if you planned, meditated, and continued to do the same thing, God will not forgive you no matter how many times you confess your sin or to whom. Your repentance will happen the day you decide not to do it again and continue to strive to avoid the sin.

 When we disobey our parents (who is suppose to tell us the truth and if they tell us the truth), we disobey God and God will not be with us as we match forward against the forces of this world. If we disobeyed God; through our disobedience to our parents (the visible God), we will not have the fulfillment of God’s promises. As He said; “So I told you, but you would not listen. You rebelled against the LORD's command and in your arrogance you marched up into the hill country…” (Deuteronomy 1:43-46) The character of God and example of how he punishes disobedience is shown the passage.

With all the pride and boasting the man (in my story) did regarding the dispute he had with his family, he cried like a real child when his new family came under attack. He ran back to the same family he had forsaken for help and so was his wife. Like the Lord said; “Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the Lord is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed.” (1 Samuel 2:3) He is the same God who curses and blesses, gives life and brings death, brings down the proud, and exalts the humble, verse 6-8.

As Christians, we often sit on the throne of grace and make all kinds of petitions or prayers. We pay our tithes and make all kinds of offerings as if that is all that matters to God. Truly it is an abomination before Him and earns us no favor. We pray but no answer because our prayers are rejected due to our sins; like Cain’s offering to God. We wait for Him to come to our aid but He never comes. The sacrifice of a sinful man is an abomination in the sight of the Lord, Proverbs 15:4-10, 28:7, 9-10, Job 35:12. The Lord said; “‘Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.’” (1 Samuel 15:22-23)

If Christ has made us kings, queens, princes and princess, why should anyone depose himself or herself from God’s kingdom? When we grow up, when God blesses us, and when everything is going great in our favor, we become proud, arrogant, disobedient, and make excuses about God; pushing Him to the background and sometimes kicking Him out of our life. After such lofty behavior, comes downfall. “But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God, and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense.” (2 Chronicles 26:16)

When we repent, change our ways, and seek the face of the Lord obeying His commands, He restores what was taken from us. “Then Hezekiah repented of the pride of his heart, as did the people of Jerusalem; therefore the Lord's wrath did not come upon them during the days of Hezekiah.” (2 Chronicles 32:26) We should hate pride, arrogance, evil behaviors and perverse speech (Proverb 8:13), because “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2) Solomon and other great men of God said that “Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. The proud and arrogant man-"Mocker" is his name; he behaves with overweening pride. A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor. The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.” (Proverbs 13:10, 16:18, 21:24, and 29:23, Ecclesiastes 7:8, Isaiah 2:11, :17, 9:9, 10:12, 13:11, 13:19, 16:6, 23:9, 25:11, 28:1, 37:23, 43:14, Jeremiah 13:9, 13:17, 48:29, 49:16, Ezekiel 7:24, 28:2, Daniel 4:37, 5:20, Hosea 5:5, 7:10, Amos 6:8, Obadiah 1:3, Zephaniah 3:11) May all these passages speak to your heart and guide your thought depending on your status and where you have fallen short of His glory. May his grace carry you through repentance, forgiveness, and salvation in Jesus name, I pray, amen.

     Several times people had come to me regarding different behavior problems encountered with their children. Apart from my professional experiences and family preservation programming experiences, I had always believed that if one can get it right with the children, you have got it right with the family, community, and the society in general. Some people believe that it takes a village to raise a child. That can be fitted into some secular school of thought in child rearing; in their theory of “Natural Growth”. I discussed this school of thought in my second book (The Lost Legacy; in major book stores around the world) which I wish not to repeat here but rather to seek deeper meaning through the word of God.

I am constantly and continuously having conversations with children, adolescents, and young adults about what is going on in their life. It is clear that they equally share the worries of their parent regarding their misconduct, disobedience, and behaviors which does not conform to our societal norms and most importantly; to the norms established by their creator. The parents worry about why young people act the way they do and young people worry about why parents act the way they do. Is that just miscommunication or discordance of life goals and objectives?

Are young people really rebellious, angry, bitter, quarrelsome, burdensome, troublesome, defiant, disobedient, hyperactive, depressive, obese, stubborn, fussy, sassy, assualtive, and so on? Some of these are symptoms of a psychological, mental, or behavioral health conditions that required professional intervention of healthcare professionals. I discuss this in that forum but I here focus on the spiritual needs and sides of it. Before I get there, I wish to point out that most Christians tend to address physical problems with spiritual remedy and spiritual problem with physical remedy. We tend to forget that it does not work that way. If you need professional help, seek for it because if you cannot use the help available for you in this world, help that is within your reach, help which appeals to your senses, how can God in heaven, whom you cannot see and from where you cannot reach physically help you? Psychological, mental, and behavioral health works well too and that is the business I have been doing for most part of my life. I am very certain that it works when properly administered. Physical problem needs physical solution and spiritual problem needs spiritual solution. It is also very important for me to emphasize that the spiritual controls the physical (the spirit controls the mind and the mind controls the body). Ephesians 6:10-18 and 2 Corinthians 2:11 will be discussed later within this and other contexts in the scriptures.

When some of the children started to be emancipated and be liberated by the civic authority from those unbelievers who abuse them, it began to give to the children powers and authority not granted by God (side effects). Out of anguish and passion to eradicate that age long abusive culture not in line with the will and design of God as had been discussed earlier regarding obedience and so on, or with our civic culture and norms, unjust laws, rules, regulations and practices were prescribed for the people which has made them captive and prisoners of their own blessings—the children. The effects of their behaviors do not end with their parents and family alone. It has engulfed the entire society. The children have become aware of their powers and do not hesitate to use it and quite often abuse it. The parents contributed to it because they abdicated their parental rights and created a huge vacuum which are constantly filled with civic authorities, powers, and their principality (Ephesians 6:10-18). Jesus Christ saved us and liberated us from all kinds of prisons and we rejected the freedom and turned ourselves in to be imprisoned by the world; encapsulating our freedom and liberty in Christ.

When parents spend more time chasing after the worldly treasures and glory, they forsake the heavenly wealth and treasures which primarily includes the salvation of their children. Does that excuse our children or release them from the judgment or wrath of God? No! Once any child is of the age or mental ability to know what is wrong and right, he or she is responsible for his or her actions. Although parents equally share in that, it does not absolve the children from God’s Judgment. The Lord said: ‘‘‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  ‘Honor your father and mother’—which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1) Saint Paul further directs us in his letters: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20) If children are responsible for their own action, it also means that whatever I had said earlier about parents also applies to the children (of age) and I need not repeat the same bible verses or teaching.

One time I was talking to a teenager about the conduct problems reported by his mother. He started complaining about his parents which was very pathetic too. The child was rebelling against his parents because they wanted him to start making good choices in life: Focus on his studies, help in their household chores, acquire semi and hopefully later independent living skills, hanging out with the right friends, proper personal hygiene, engaging in the right social, leisure, and recreational activities and matching appropriate behavior with the right settings, proper conduct within such environment, and more importantly, his spiritual well being. He does not want to be involved in the activities of his church. He was worried about what his peers will say. He did not understand and do not want to understand because it is contrary to popular opinion and culture among his friends/peers, and school mates. Whatever he likes, he does and do not care about what anyone said to him or think. He does not care about going to jail because for some people in the popular culture, going to jail has been accepted as a right of passage and proof of manhood. From there, he was in one problem or another. He ostracized his family later and joined a new family of gangs. He dresses with his pants dragging around his thighs, with his underwear exposed, and hangs out all day engaging in whatever activity he feels like doing and doing whatever illegal business that comes his way. He is ignorant of the history behind his behaviors or the gravity of its consequences.

I realized during my dealing with this young man, like many other boys, girls, and children in general, their parents did not start early to train them. A child must be potty-trained but unready for other aspects of his or her life. Parents start screaming when it is too late. They avoid proper discipline and up bringing of their children and blame the pop and hip-pop culture, the government, and the children for what is going on with their children. Common line from a lot of parents is that children of nowadays do not listen or obey their parents. A parent is making excuses, thinks it is not his/her fault, and accepts the behavior being imposed by their children. The children make the rules in the house and decide how they will be raised. The moment you do that, you have just cursed your child and accepted ungodly behavior. How could God answer your prayers for help when you have conceded, conceited, and accepted such behaviors as acceptable to “children of nowadays?” If you and your child exercises, prophesied, and expresses such negative permissive will—a God given right, part, and parcel of God in His essence as a supreme being, He will not go against Himself, His word, or His command—an ordered liberty (if I may use Supreme Court words; ordered liberty). Things can only change the day both of you decide, at least, the parents cancel such negative agreement and seeks Gods intervention or else, you will be a burden upon the public. You can pray as much as you want; it is simply a waste of time and effort. You have to deliver your spirit from the hands of the usurping evil spirit hanging around looking for who is willing to rent space to them in their soul and to whom you have consented and granted permission to continue to work in your child. Meanwhile, you are asking God to stay aside (when you said children of nowadays do not listen, unless it was said with rejection in your spirit and ready to fight for the life of your child).

As Christians, it is of utmost important that you stop cursing yourself or others. I remember someone telling me that he came from a very poor family; that they have always been poor; that he does not see that changing considering their future because everyone is looking up to him as the first son and he has nothing to offer to himself not to talk of someone else. “I have accepted my situation and just live day by day from pay check to pay check.” I told him that he just confessed and accepted poverty and prophesied that his situation will never change in the future. How could God possibly answer any prayer he has been saying and continued to say? Lots of people make that mistake. I overheard a mother say to her child “You, useless child” and another “You are a fool.” I hear a child respond to me when I asked her why she doesn’t like mathematics, “Because I am a dummy.” When I asked her why she said that, she said that it is what her parents, teachers and everyone calls her. This paragraph will be posted in details later when I am lead to post on self curses and bondages that work against believers. So, let me go back to my topic today.

Reformation starts within the spirit and the spirit will reform the mind which in turn will reform the body—the words and actions that are contrary to God’s truth, which you profess and believe in. No child knows the extent of the consequences of their actions and it is natural for them to test such boundaries or limits regardless of who is involved or in their way. It could be you the parent, the authority or their peers. It does not matter where they are. It could be home, the community or in the public. They are usually fearless and seem invincible to themselves. Think of when you were like them. The intense urges and pressures or mistakes and consequences you had to control to become what you are now. You want to protect them from things they do not see, never experienced, do not feel or even want to think about. You have to do more than just giving them order, instruction or counsel. You have to start the day they were born by teaching them how to let God guide their thoughts, words, and actions. I will get to this paragraph in details later.

For children and youth, we know that God watches over all our actions. We are talking about the debt you owe to God who gave His only son for you to live, and not man. You pay that debt by obeying your parents and listening to them. Even when you are angry at them, if you can understand that obeying them and when you look at them you can see God and not your parents, you will always obey them because you see them from your spiritual eyes and not your canal or physical eyes in the socket of your head and body. The Lord said: “Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.” (Deuteronomy 8:2) God will test you. He will test your parents too. I know I have quoted the scripture earlier stating that God does not temp anyone, however test in this context is referring to a test of knowledge or understanding of Him; just like you are being tested in examinations after your studies and NOT test as in trial or temptation for you to sin. It is your duty and part of that understanding and knowledge of God that you are expected to manifest is what will keep you away from sin e. g. being disobedient to your parents. If you know and understand His command, you will obey them, if you don’t, you will disobey them. When you disobey, you have failed the divine test.

This has nothing to do with what, when, how, and where your parents told you, commanded you, asked you, talked to you, explained to you, yelled at you, shouted at you, disrespected you, dishonored you, humiliated you, insulted you, assaulted you, instigated you and so on. I am not condoning any behavior by any parent that is inconsistent with the words and will of God. I am saying that your parents will have to answer for themselves for all their actions. God is the Judge and not you. The question here is: How will you answer for your actions before God. When those tests come, will you understand and know His commands?

There is no doubt that you have so much going on in your life considering everything else going on around you. God will never give you more than you can handle. (1 Corinthians 10:13) Just as you excel in your studies, you will also excel in the testing of the Lord. No matter what the situation might be, if you remember the above verse and put your faith in it, God is always faithful. Even though you might fall, disobey or do things unworthy of a child of God, you will be humbled by your lofty and proud deeds, if you humble your self, you will be exalted again. He said: “The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.” (1 Samuel 2:7)

If you repent and rededicate yourself as the temple of the Lord, all the problems you are going through right now will be taken away. Although the work of faith we do is not but the grace is what fulfills everything we need about life. However, faith without the work is in vain and grace does not save one who intentionally disregards and continues to live in sinful nature. You will be free of the burdens you have upon your shoulder. God will be there with you in every step of your journey in and with Him. As the Lord said: “[i]f my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14) “Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before God when you heard what he spoke against this place and its people, and because you humbled yourself before me and tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD.” (2 Chronicles 34:27) “He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way…The LORD sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground…For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation…He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.” (Psalms 25:9, 147:6, 149:4, Proverbs 3:34)

I encourage you my brethren, it does not matter what your past life is or what you did last second. Do not be afraid of how you will be received by Yahweh.  He is preparing a feast to welcome you into His fold. “‘Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.’” (Daniel 10:12) All you need to do is ask Jesus Christ to come and take his place in your life. Like Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) As a child, you have a special place in the heart of God and Jesus Christ made it known when he said, “Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4) “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:12) “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 1813-14)

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